Improv Journal, Numero Uno

I perform improv at two wildly different, similarly named venues, ImprovOlympic and ComedySportz. ImprovOlypic has a reputation for thoughtful, artistic scenes stylistically similar to one-act plays. Not everyone lives up to it, of course, but Frank usually takes these miscreants out back and "disposes of" them. ComedySportz, on the other hand, uses a mix of Spolin-inspired games and sports themes to whip audiences into a comedic frenzy. Teams wear either red or blue jerseys and compete for points. "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" comes up more often than they would prefer.

Before the show, the sound toad (I get so sick of saying "he" or "she" and since CSz, unlike most improv venues, mixes both pretty much equally, I choose the amphibian pronoun) lowers lights and slooooooowly raises house music. Don Hall taught us the trick. People find themselves working a lot harder to make themselves heard, raising the energy level without having to resort to knock-knock jokes. Not too many. As the stage plunges to near-total darkness, the toad cranks up the CD player with testosterone-laden tracks like "Mortal Kombat", "Jock Jams" and occasionally, "Harry Belafonte's Greatest Hits". Love that "Day-O". Everyone starts clapping in sync, toad introduces referee who leaps from the wings to greet everyone and get into the rules for that night's bloodsport of funny. Most importantly, the Ref Toad explains the fouls (Groaner, Delay of Game and Brown Bag corresponding to bad jokes, no jokes and Eddie Murphy jokes), the sounds (usually a mimed gun loaded and fired; may also extend to basketball... all performed by the lighting/sound person) and audience participation:

"Just shout out the first thing we ask. For instance, what do you brush your teeth with?"

"SEX!"

And then the audience finds out the brown bag foul applies to them, too.

Eventually, the referee wraps up, the lights dim and the players run onto the stage, shaking hands with eager front row beavers and cheering for their respective teams. Some common cheers include:

"One, three, five, seven... these are all prime numbers!"

"We don't suck!"

Captain: "Give me an 'i'!"
Everyone else: "I!"
Captain: "Give me an 'i'!"
Everyone else: "I!"
Captain: "Give me an 'i'!"
Everyone else: "I!"
Captain: "What's that spell?"
Everyone else: "Team!"

and

"Shave Tim's back!"

After all the fanfare wraps up, the referee asks the two captains to come forward, shake hands and play a game of "Rocks, Paper, Scizzors", although if toad feels cruel or the audience looks rich, the ref may ask for a some change to flip. Toad pockets the quarter and whatever else the audience tosses and returns to "Rocks, Paper, Etc." - the winner of which decides whether to "INITIATE" or "RECEIVE!" Actually, it doesn't matter what they decide. In the cramped space behind the stage - a closet designed to hold props, coats and ominously humming electronics NOT eight players getting ready to pour on the funny - the captains picked a game they think the audience will like. One rule of thumb: the younger the audience, the less likely the game uses words.

In Emotional Symphony, for instance, players line up, red on one side, blue on the other, and each takes an emotion from the audience. "Lust" typically wins, but rhythm counts. The referee asks everyone to don their masks, then points to a player to establish a beat (someone usually taps loud enough for all to hear) and act out his/her emotion in gibberish. Others join in as the ref points to them. While the audience almost inevitably loves the game, players can grow quickly bored unless they make the connections that propel improv from merely clever to mind-blowing. Usually, the referee starts matching emotions together like Velcro hooks and loops. Anticipation pre-empts Fear. Guilt hits staccato eighths on 1 and 3 and while Lust moans descending quarter notes on 2 and 4. Victorian Prudishness sings "No" to the tune of "The Flight of the Bumblebee."

An older audience might go for "Sideline Sermon" and/or "Sideline Debate." In these games, two players, one from each team, get sent out of the theater to a soundproof booth, or, in our case, Halsted street. Only once in the most dire cold snap this winter did a player refuse to go out. The referee, Keith Whipple, instead ordered the player, Brendan Hunt, into one of the two unisex bathrooms at the Turnaround (unisex... any sex can enter, but one at a time, please) and sing opera at the top of his lungs until all suggestions had been gathered. Keith had to pause several times as the singing overtook his gathering. Brendan gave it his all, but his all sounded like a set of bagpipes getting stomped by a Spaniard with no appreciation for Highland music.

In both "Sideline Sermon" and "... Debate", the referee gathers three words for each team - a noun, a verb and an adverb (a word ending in "ly"). Some nights, toad makes them pretty tough, as in "aardvarks hastening nonfunctionally". Other nights, toad goes easy, as in "boys laughing halfheartedly". Most nights, the referee evens the teams up as best toad can. When everyone has written the suggestions down and carefully memorized them, he calls the sermonizers/debaters back in and explains the rest of the game.

"Sideline Sermon" starts when the referee blows his whistle and calls a color, red or blue. The sermonizer calls out to the audience as his congregation, beseeching them in the style of a minister of a new branch of Christianity, with its own book of completely new quotes. On the other side of the stage, meanwhile, his teammates mime either the words the referee gave them or parts of those words - breaking "nonfunctionally", for instance, into "nun", "funk", "shun" and "Muhammed Ali minus 'Muhammed'". The minister incorporates his guesses into the sermon. If he gets a words right, the audience breaks into spontaneous applause. The referee then turns it over to the other team.

"Sideline Debate" starts much the same way, except instead of addressing the audience, the debaters (no "master debater" jokes, please, I've had enough) talk trash to each other. As with "Sideline Sermon", the referee tries to keep things lively. If one team or the other pulls ahead, the referee blows his whistle a little faster to give the other team time to catch up. Remember the competition gives the audience something to chew on, but means very little to the players. The game ends when one or the other says the whole phrase:

(Debate) "Oh yeah? You're just a big bag of aardvarks hastening nonfunctionally."

or

(Sermon) "And the lord sayeth, he who spites my name shall be forever transformed into boys laughing halfheartedly."

The winning team gets five points.

FORWARD!